Dealing with the unexpected. How do you?

We all have plans, wishes and expectations of how people will act or how an event, our day and our lives will turn out. Unfortunately, things don’t always work out as we hope. Too often, things seem to twist and turn in ways we did not expect or foresee.

For instance, you may find yourself caught up in a situation and find that your thoughts are racing. You’re carried away and engaged in what’s happening. All of a sudden, you’re caught off guard, unprepared and surprised when something happens or when someone does or says something to offend or hurt you. Being unprepared for the event has caused you negative stress and even anxiety. It’s important to clear you mind and think of what’s happening in the moment. Take a couple of deep breathes and shake it off by moving your body. Then react by making the necessary adjustment to deal with the situation. Being prepared would have helped you minimize the impact and change the outcome of the situation.

Each person experiences an event differently, regardless whether it’s insignificant or significant, it’s how we interpret, internalize, and how well we cope that matters. If we believe an event is stressful, it is and if we believe it isn’t, it isn’t. Regardless of the event, it’s all how we think and react to it.

Stress can be defined as anything that stimulates/changes us, positively or negatively, from our calm, serene state. Stress can range from a physical reaction to something dangerous, overworked and exhausted to your surroundings or emotional reactions concerning relationships, health or financial matters.

Any event that provoke stress is called a stressor. A stressor can be something external from the outside world or internal, self generated in the mind. An stressful event can range from surviving physical danger, making a presentation, dealing with unpleasant people to a pleasant experience or situation. It’s all in the mind.

Unexpected events and surprises often cause stress because they tend to throw the body’s stability homeostatic/equilibrium balance out of whack. The body has a network of glands and organs that need to be in a state of harmony to function well and chaos of any kind is very harmful. Confronting an unexpected situation will usually trigger our bodies into the fight-or-flight stress response. This stressful response is true for zebras, lions and humans. Unlike animals, however, we tend to worry ourselves sick with anticipation of bad things happening.  Call this F.E.A.R. False Evidence Appearing Real

Some people seem to become easily stress out about any small event or manifest stress when none exist. They seem nervous, out of control and can make everyone around them feel the same way. We all admire people who appear to be cool, calm and collected while everyone around him/her seems to be out of control. So what is the difference? Well, some of those people were born that way and others learn to be that way.

Learning to effectively manage and cope with life’s stressful events can mean the differences between being healthy and unhealthy, happy and depressed.

One way to reduce stress is to learn to expect the unexpected. Be prepared for events you planed for and those that appear without notice. Always have a plan and a backup contingency plans. Having an alternative backup solution is always good idea. Most people spend so much time stressing about things that may go wrong, things that we had not expected. We would spend that time more wisely coming up with a detailed contingency plan. Take the time to make a plan B and maybe C.

Be prepared by paying attention to your surroundings, your action and reaction. Relax and enjoy the comfort when you’re alone in your own environment. When you’re not alone or when you’re out of your environment, become more aware, more focused and activate your plan and backup contingency plans. If something seems unusual or out of the ordinary, you should wake up, come up a notch with all your senses. When you recognize something as a potential threat, it’s not as big a threat because it can’t take you by surprise. The same holds true in life. Practice such preventive behavior and you minimize surprises.

Being poised and guarded usually requires all senses to be alert, thinking several steps ahead and ready for action. This heighten state can be emotionally and physically draining which will take a toll on your body and the mind. Most situations, however, do not require that level of fight-or-flight response mode. It’s usually enough to become aware, activate your plans, remain relax and enjoy the situation.

Become comfortable in visualizing what’s going to happen and how you’ll react. If you can envision what’s going to happen, you can react to it quickly without thinking, because you’ve seen it in your mind. If you think of enough variables, you’ve covered every possibility so that nothing will be unexpected. It’s similar to play a game of chess. Play and enjoy the game but you should never become nervous and stressed out anticipating what going to happen. That’s exactly what you want to avoid.

Have a plan, contingency plan and being aware are important steps in effectively managing and coping any situation. Planning ahead, without over thinking, is always a good idea. The process of being prepared, becoming aware and having plans should always be done in a calm, relaxed and natural manner.

Achieving and sustaining a calm, well balanced state of mind may not be possible in situations where crisis needs your immediate and undivided attention. Resolving those situations may require all your time and resources. When that happens, do whatever it takes to put things go back to normal. Afterwards, take time to refresh, rebalance and rejuvenate yourself. Stressful situations that last for a long time can cause harmful chronic stress syndrome. Your health depends on whether you’re able to reduce, eliminate or effectively cope with the source of the stressor.

Identifying the stressors is key to managing stress. It’s easy to identify some stressors and difficult to identify stressors that are invisible and cloaked into our daily lifestyle. We may even believe it’s normal to always be under a large amount of harmful stress and that distress is just a normal side effect.

It’s important to take the time to look at your life and current situations. How much of your situation is the result of consciously making choices or taking positive action and how much is the result of things that happened to you that were beyond your control? Are you the victim or the cause of the problem? It’s most probably a combination of both scenarios.

Having a clear understanding of your role, responsibilities and expectations will help you cope in any situation. It is sometimes difficult to see and accept that you’re the cause or that your expectations, action and reactions can make a difference in how an event plays out.

If you’re the type of person who blows up or lose your patience easily, then you need to lower your expectations and accept that you’re, at least, partly responsible for causing the problem. Even if you’re not the cause, you probably can handle the situation better, minimize the problem and avoid negative stress. When a situation arises, think about if you are ready? Do have an action plan and a backup plan in place? Did you react correctly? If you reacted differently, could you change the outcome situation? How’s your self-control? It’s your responsibility to be aware of your role, action and reactions in any situation. How you doing?

Consider sitting down and making a list of events, people, phrases or circumstances that cause you to lose your patience, you cool. Things that make you feel anxious, worried, or unhappy and those that cause you anxiety, tension, or frustration. Look for and pinpoint what triggers and patterns sets you off in each item on the list. Being aware and being prepared can help reduce the frequency and the impact it has on you.

The thought or feeling of change or losing control can be a significant stressor for a lot of people. There is often a choice to let go of trying to control everything, or do all that we can to prepare. You might be surprised to find that accepting things, being flexible and letting go can change your perspective on your reality. Accept the twist and turns in life gracefully. This applies not only to circumstances, but also the behavior of those around you. Instead of getting stressed and upset, allow yourself to roll with the punches when something you have no control over happens. Stuff will happen. The question is how will you internalize, interpret and react to it. We’ve all experienced the unexpected. Give yourself a break. If you accept that anything can happen at any time, it’s less likely it throw you off your stride when it does. Just be able to adjust your game plan accordingly.

Believing that people, situations and things are perfect is a recipe for failure. Expecting the world to run smoothly is like beating your head against the wall. You can’t really control people or situations but you can use self-control. Remember that people, including you, are not perfect and that stuff will happen. Stop holding yourself and the world around you to unreachable standards. Without realizing it, we set ourselves up for problems and disappointment by expecting too much. Do we expect our family and friends to love us unconditionally, to know and do exactly what we want, when we want it? Maybe we believe that life will always treat us fairly. Do we feel cheated, slighted, unlucky, disappointed or depressed when things don’t turn out as we expected? Does the disappointment cause us stress, tension or anxiety?

The objective is to do these things while remaining calm, relaxed, content, joyful, and take full advantage of what matters most in life. Be prepared but also go with the flow. keep learning and making adjustment toward reaching and sustaining a well-balanced, enriched and fulfilled lifestyle.

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Accident Saturday

Well this morning I started of my day off in a good mood… Got up early and by 8:00am I was doing the weed wacking with the new trimmer and cleaned up the backyard. Once that was done, I decided to go to Save on Foods… Maxwell House 925 Grams Rich Dark Roast Coffee was on sale for $6.99. So I go there, buy my coffee, and a few other items and start walking back home. So I am walking down Foul Bay Road, about half  way home, I hear a car speeding by me and someone saying,  “Dan the walk,” and another voice say, “Fuck,” and the next thing I know  I’m on the ground. i hear a couple of people say, “Do you beleive that?” and another voice saying “Are you guys okay?” A bit dazed I look up and say,  “I think so”, but then I look to my left and here are 2 guy’s on the ground holding on to their bikes. So I say, ” fuck what just happened?” One of the guys on the bike says,” that fucking mustang cut us off and we had to hit the sidewalk to avoid hitting him.” (I find out later that his name is Bruce)The other guy,  “say’s sorry dude.”  So to make a long story short the guy driving the mustang never stopped. Some neighbour’s witnessed the whole thing. the cops came, the ambulance came, and we all survived the ordeal… Dan, Bruce, and I have some scrapes and bruises. We exchanged numbers, Police report numbers, and now I am at home feeling all of the aches and pains creep up.

What started out as a good Saturday is now ending up as a Sore Saturday…So I get a ride with the cops home cause my ankle is sore, bruises and scrapes from the bikes on both my legs.  I’ve gotten to know the Oak Bay police because of my many calls to them, working on the issues of the building. Anyways they are looking for Mr. Mustang. Then I go crap ! I forgot to buy cream for the coffee… Yup you guessed it, I go back and walk to Save On Foods to buy some cream… Limping I did do!!Yup it was a long walk… So I’ve decided to post my injuries as they progress. I have them on my phone, but, what the heck I might as well have some back up on the site… I can deal with the foot and the scrapes, but now my back and left knee are starting to tighten up… Great… Just Great.

I would say enjoy the pics… but whatever… I really miss my Lady Friend!!!!.. Boy do I ever have ugly hairy legs   🙂

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I Wish I Could Take It Back

Well the last 4 days have been…well pretty shitty and I have no one else to blame but myself… I said something to someone very dear to me that I wish I could take back… I am not going to make excuses… why bother? I was wrong!! It not only affects the person that I hurt but it also affects other people… But how do you take back the words that so stupidly came out of my mind into a text? You can’t. It’s too late! The words are gone forever… Like a slow motion scene from a movie… you can see it happen but there isn’t a thing you can do about it! Do I feel like shit? Yup! Am I ashamed? Yup! Do I regret it… I do!

Can’t sleep, my appetite sucks… Yup I deserve how I am feeling. Depressed… Yup I am… We all make mistakes in this life… But even though I know that, it doesn’t help. I know I hurt some people and it hurts me to know that I did. I am really not the kind of person that goes around saying stupid things that hurt people. I wish I could take this size 10 shoe, take it out of my mouth, and kick my ass with it up and down Oak Bay Avenue for the world to see… But I know that won’t happen… I’ve said I was sorry and ask for forgiveness, without a response… But that’s okay… I deserve it… Do I wish that certain person reads this blog? I do… But I think that won’t happen. Even if she does… I don’t think it will happen. I can only hope she does. As I am typing this I am reminded of that Monopoly game that I had with my grandmother and I am thinking to myself… I didn’t learn a thing now did I… She wouldn’t be too proud of me. I don’t feel proud of myself either!!!!

She certainly didn’t raise her grandson to be disrespectful. The tongue is a double edged sword that hurts more then physically hurting someone, or in my case the texting. I am trying to wrap my head around why one day I am telling someone how special she is to me and the next I do something stupid like this?

That’s all I for tonight.

 

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Happy Victoria Day

HAPPY VICTORIA DAY!! So here we are in Victoria BC, enjoying our holiday named after the city we live in… How cool is that? So as usual I am sitting here with a bunch of decisions to make. Like every human being on this planet of ours, I have to decide what to do about certain areas of my life. So,  I have decided to research the successful persons point of view.. Here we go… this is what I’ve found

Decisions successful people make every day

1- They don’t allow people to define them.
2- They create a balance that works for their life.
3- They appreciate what they have.
4- They live in the moment of now.
5- They learn from their failures and try again.
6- They work with integrity.
7- They don’t get caught up in the emotions.
8- They stick to a developed plan of action.
9- They accept responsibility for their actions.
10- They have a true belief that they can accomplish what they put their minds to

So there it is… Number 7 can be a tough one for me, especially when you are passionate about something/someone… What is your issue from my top 10? I would love to here from you…

Have a safe and happy Victoria Day… Peace!

Obstacles… What Are They Good For?

So as some of us know,  I’ve been going through a bit of a rough spell with my part time job, lack of sleep etc… I have such a wonderful girlfriend who can read my like a book, and who is always there for me. Babe… I love you!!! So after our short visit I go to check my mail and out of the blue here is the “Letter To Ourselves”, that Diane asked us to write to ourselves. Wow!!! Talk about perfect timing… then tonight I am going through some paper stuff and I come across the notes that we all wrote to each other at our Grad party… Wow again the timing was perfect… I re-read all of the notes from everyone and well This BIG guy… Yup… I’ll admit it,  shed a few teardrops… Thanks again for your kind comments and observations. So now I am re-energized and focused about balancing and getting things done in my life… Who would of thought that a letter to myself and notes from pretty much complete strangers, when you consider we were only in class for 8 weeks, would have made such an impact in this simpletons life. Well it has… So today I would like to talk about… OBSTACLES..

So sometimes some things block your path in life and hold you back. Often the very things that limit us, help us to find a better way to do things, or make sure we truly want to work for the goals we have set for ourselves.

So knowing a few facts about the obstacles in your life … the ones that block your path, thwart your efforts and demand that you stop and think … might help you understand the roles they play in your life and work for, instead of, against you.

When encountering an obstacle, remind yourself that obstacles are not your enemies. Instead they are your teachers ..

Obstacles, by their very nature, challenge you to grow, change and adapt.

Whether they arise from your personal past or are part of the life path you have chosen, obstacles are good for getting you out of old habits, teaching you about the way the world works, and making you grow stronger and more flexible. We all hope our life will be a “cake walk”, but your obstacles make you work for what you want and keep you fit and healthy in the process. Life can be either a merry-go-round or a roller coaster — you can either keep going around in circles or take a ride with lots of ups and downs.

Many things stop or delay you on your journey through life. Yet behind every hurdle, there is a reason for its existence. Sometimes high walls keep you out of dangerous places. Sometimes they are just opportunities to learn what a ladder is for.

To turn obstacles to your advantage, you need to see the reason behind the obstacle as well as the opportunity it brings you. That opportunity can be to learn something new, develop a latent skill, or find a better way.
Obstacles naturally arise to keep you in balance as you open up to change.

Just start to think seriously about making some changes in your life and suddenly obstacles can appear overnight. Often obstacles make you slow down or stop so past unresolved issues, obsolete perspectives and outdated ideas can take center stage to be resolved.

Fighting your way through obstacles tests your resolve and prepares you for the new reality you want to create in your life. The old saying is “be careful what you wish for”. Obstacles can be a blessing in disguise by acting as a natural form of resistance to keep your life in balance. Without it, you might hurtle at light speed into the things you want.

By having to slow down to get around the road blocks and speed bumps of life, you have time to make sure you wholeheartedly want to arrive where you are headed.

The very things that slow you down can help you choose the right path.

Sometimes, obstacles make you change course or rethink your approach to a person, issue, or next step. They can often work as guides pointing you, if you are willing to listen, in the direction of a better path.

But sometimes, they are just like a porter on a train, checking to make sure you have the right ticket and are catching the right train.

Ok  that’s about it… you guessed it… I think?

Thanks again for stopping by… Peace

 

And To All A Goodnight

I am sitting here at 2:46 am listening to Bob Segeres Main street from the Night Moves album… what a great album, thinking to myself that it’s time to shut it down… Yup goodbye blog… then out of the blue Van Halen.s Dancing in the Streets comes on… How ironic and cool is that… Well as the Header say’s… And To All A Good Night… Thanks for letting me share some writing space… Good by Best Graduate Blog!!!

For the last time…. thanks for not visiting….

Peace…. 

Please… Stop Avoiding The Question!!

Okay so I haven’t been writing anything for a bit… Well I can spit off many reasons, but, I’ve been having a bit of an issue with an employer that I am supposed to be working part time for. The reality is, is that this part time position has turned into a full time position that is not compensating me for the extra time that I’ve worked. So, some of you may know that I am a part time live in caretaker of a small 10 unit property in Oak Bay. Yup… there are some issues in the building which is fine… after all it’s to be expected. BUT!!!!!!!!!!

One tenant is a BIG time problem… NOT his fault however, he has some special needs issues. I’ve spoken with my employer, his social worker etc… I’ve been as patient as I can be.. but no success… so after numerous calls to the Oak Bay PD, my supervisors, his workers, his nurse, and numerous hours of no sleep… dealing with this person and no action from anyone… Oh I’ve heard many we will do this and we will do that… But, nothing has been done… yet. So I put in an extra billing for the extra hours of work I’ve put into this supposedly part time position, and guess what, none of my upper management people are talking to me, responding to any emails in the last week, or even voice mails I’ve left them.

Yup I’m angry, Yup I’m tired, Yup I am even sick now (the flu) and can YOU SAY  a little stressed out… Yup to all of the above. So tell me what would you do? To me if you are a business and you say you value your employees, a simple yes or no to a question should be respectfully expected… That’s all I am asking for… Yes to the extra billing or no!! But that isn’t happening!! So should I quit? Should I find a new place to live? I’ve been told you should do this or you should not worry about this or that. Which I truly appreciate… Because they come from some very smart and very honorable people… But, I am not satisfied with their helpful attitudes… So I’ve come up with this……

So my supervisors are not responding to my phone calls, texts, and email messages. They contact me when they would like me to do something,and I respond to their request in a timely fashion.  But when I have a request or a question, they seem to avoid me and they never reply. This leaves me feeling pretty frustrated. I’ve asked them which method of contact they prefer, but they just says to do whatever is convenient. Since they are out of the office so much, it’s hard to catch them in person. What should I do? What would you do? Are they required to reply to an electronic message as you would a phone call a text or maybe, I need to send them an old fashioned registered letter!!!!

So I am finding out from other sources that It doesn’t matter what the form of communication is, when the recipient doesn’t respond, it’s frustrating. Whenever possible, a message should be responded to either on the same day or within 24 hours, even if it’s just to acknowledge receipt of the message. Of course, there are circumstances when that’s not possible, but it’s a good general rule. Even if you can’t answer the question right away, a quick “Got it, will call later” lets the sender know you’ve seen the message and will respond as soon as is practical.

What is more disconcerting about my question is the fact that my supervisors do not respond to or acknowledge my text and email messages. Since they do not respond to my messages one must think that it has become personal. They shouldn’t just ignore me; They should discuss these things with me. Am I being so unreasonable? I have no problem responding to their messages, so why should they? Yup I am frustrated!! I call this; workplace rudeness that leads to the frustration and stress that I am  feeling. Some of the stress comes from the fact that addressing the issue with a supervisor is much more difficult than addressing it with a colleague or maybe even a client or in my case a tenant and a social worker.

Finally, I can continue to do what I am doing, which is sending them my  messages and then making the best choices I can without thier input. But all I really can do is to keep them informed. But I think… No I know that I am done with this… Time to move on… So what do you guy’s think???

Please don’t be like my employer, give some input and don’t avoid the question…

Ever Wonder Where They Came Up With The Idea For That….Song?

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Okay so for the past few day’s I’ve been dealing with a bad back. So I’ve been on my back mostly listening to a LOT of music. Everything from The Beatles Blackbird, to A Whiter Shade of Pale… So I am listening to the lyrics to A Whiter Shade of Pale saying to myself, what the F#@K, these lyrics make absolutely no sense at all. now I am dissecting the song going what the  F@#k is, ” we skipped the light fandango” and “the ceiling flew away,” Oh and my favorite “the room was humming harder”… really??? That must be one heck of a room…those must have been some mighty fine drugs… yep that’s where I think the idea for the song came from. But, just to be sure, I am putting on my Internet Journalistic hat on to try to find out how A Whiter Shade of Pale came to be… But first here are the actual lyrics:

We skipped the light fandango
Turned cartwheels ‘cross the floor
I was feeling kinda seasick
But the crowd called out for more
The room was humming harder
As the ceiling flew away
When we called out for another drink
The waiter brought a tray

And so it was that later
As the miller told his tale
That her face, at first just ghostly,
Turned a whiter shade of pale
She said, ‘There is no reason
And the truth is plain to see.’
But I wandered through my playing cards
And would not let her be
One of sixteen vestal virgins
Who were leaving for the coast
And although my eyes were open
They might have just as well’ve been closed

And so it was that later
As the miller told his tale
That her face, at first just ghostly,
Turned a whiter shade of pale

And so it was that later

Allrighty then as Jim Carey would say. Here is what I’ve found out…

As far as I can see, Reid got the title and starting point for the song at a party. He overheard someone at the party saying to a woman, “You’ve turned a whiter shade of pale,” and the phrase stuck in his mind. The original lyrics had four verses, of which only two are heard on the original recording. The third verse has been heard in live performances by Procol Harum, and more seldom also the fourth. The author of Procol Harum: beyond the pale, Claes Johansen, suggests that the song “deals in metaphorical form with a male/female relationship which after some negotiation ends in a sexual act.” This is supported by Tim de Lisle in Lives of the Great Songs, who remarks that the lyrics concern a drunken seduction, which is described through references to sex as a form of travel, usually nautical, using mythical and literary journeys. Other observers have also commented that the lyrics concern a sexual relationship.

Structurally and thematically, the song is unusual in many respects. While the recorded version is 4:03 long, it is composed of only two verses, each with chorus. The piece is also more instrument-driven than most songs of the period, and with a much looser rhyme scheme. Its unusually allusive and referential lyrics are much more complex than most lyrics of the time (for example, the chorus focuses on Chaucer’s “The Miller’s Tale”). Thus, this piece can be considered an early example of progressive rock.

The phrase a whiter shade of pale has since gained widespread use in the English language, noticed by several dictionaries. As such, the phrase is today often used in contexts independent of any consideration of the song. It has also been heavily paraphrased, in forms like an Xer shade of Y — this to the extent that it has been recognized as a snow clone, a type of cliche and phrasal template.

So my conclusion is this…. Great Song, no in depth meaning tho…. Yup that’s all I have to say about that….

Thanks for stopping by….Peace