Well the last 4 days have been…well pretty shitty and I have no one else to blame but myself… I said something to someone very dear to me that I wish I could take back… I am not going to make excuses… why bother? I was wrong!! It not only affects the person that I hurt but it also affects other people… But how do you take back the words that so stupidly came out of my mind into a text? You can’t. It’s too late! The words are gone forever… Like a slow motion scene from a movie… you can see it happen but there isn’t a thing you can do about it! Do I feel like shit? Yup! Am I ashamed? Yup! Do I regret it… I do!
Can’t sleep, my appetite sucks… Yup I deserve how I am feeling. Depressed… Yup I am… We all make mistakes in this life… But even though I know that, it doesn’t help. I know I hurt some people and it hurts me to know that I did. I am really not the kind of person that goes around saying stupid things that hurt people. I wish I could take this size 10 shoe, take it out of my mouth, and kick my ass with it up and down Oak Bay Avenue for the world to see… But I know that won’t happen… I’ve said I was sorry and ask for forgiveness, without a response… But that’s okay… I deserve it… Do I wish that certain person reads this blog? I do… But I think that won’t happen. Even if she does… I don’t think it will happen. I can only hope she does. As I am typing this I am reminded of that Monopoly game that I had with my grandmother and I am thinking to myself… I didn’t learn a thing now did I… She wouldn’t be too proud of me. I don’t feel proud of myself either!!!!
She certainly didn’t raise her grandson to be disrespectful. The tongue is a double edged sword that hurts more then physically hurting someone, or in my case the texting. I am trying to wrap my head around why one day I am telling someone how special she is to me and the next I do something stupid like this?
That’s all I for tonight.